Change.

Deterioration.

Change.

I have been on a downward spiral lately.

Not really, everything is just peachy. Things are looking up and life is pretty amazing. I’ve got to admit, this year has been a relatively good one.

I’ve managed to find myself this year, and get back on track in terms of co-curriculars and finally spent some time on my maths and literature without sacrificing my grades. I spent half of my summer holiday studying, half pursuing my other interests. Finally, a good balance. Which translated into topping every class for mocks.

Yay.

The IGCSEs are now swinging in motion, but instead of studying I spend my time eating and reading. Like literally. It is not a lack of motivation, trust me, but I attribute this lack of studying to shifting priority. I’ve been telling myself not to care about my grades so much, and now that I’ve discovered other interests- the raw grades (and IGCSEs) really don’t mean much to me anymore. I know I can effortlessly get those A*s, the thousands of hours i put in over the last two years can at least culminate to that. I know I can score that 100%, past A-maths into maybe Chemistry and Physics, and perhaps even if I try, E-maths (because I absolutely detest it). And Geography. And Biology, even. I could achieve all of this! I can! But why do I not bother? It’s only this last few weeks, why not?

100% is a sketchy thing, all it takes is one careless mistake or one odd question to throw you off balance. I’d be happy with ONE. Any one. And yet I don’t even try.

I’m not entirely sure why, really. It’s not that it’s not worth the time and effort, I just see no point.

But I wholly disagree with myself on that count. There is a point. It’s just not that important to me anymore.

But I will make myself do it.

I’m up for a challenge.

It’s always a challenge between you and yourself, isn’t it?

You and yourself.

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